I mess up therefore I am human.
This could be a framed reminder in my kitchen for those who experience the ill parts of my character.
In Romans 7: 17-19 Paul is struggling with his sinful nature and says, "And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway." Oh how I can relate to this. Why is it so difficult for me to do what is right when I discipline my children?
I came home from our son's freshman football game in a great mood. I left the game early because they were winning 48-6 with only 10 minutes left in the game. The little kids had been home with our oldest for the past 2 1/2 hours. Since I threatened the loss of limbs if they chose not to listen to her, and no calls had come through complaining of their disobedience, I was certain my return would be greeted with joy and good news. However, even the fact that I was carrying containers of fresh Chipotle couldn't fix the frustration burning within my daughter.
I was quickly greeted with, "They were awful!"
Instead of listening, correcting, comforting, and disciplining, I shouted, slammed, grabbed, spit when I used words beginning with the letter "s," lost all control, and reacted.
Instead of discussing the situation and deciding on a responsible consequence, I blew like a shaken bottle of pop.
Why is it so difficult for me to do what is right? Why is it so difficult for me to respond instead of react?
After I apologized, listened, apologized again, disciplined, waited, thought, prayed, and did everything I wanted to do first, but ended up doing last, tears were wiped, and food was consumed.
Human nature is stupid.
I pray that I stop myself next time, and respond as opposed to reacting. I pray that next time I am away, and the boys are with their sister, they all make better choices. I cannot teach my children about self control if I cannot model it myself.
I wish I didn't, but, I need a waring sign: "Likely to react under pressure."