Monday, November 9, 2009

Down With High School

My daughter decided that she no longer wants to attend high school. She also told me that she gets sick to her stomach every time she steps onto the campus. She doesn't want to go to a different high school, she wants to go to no high school. No high school that has sports, ASB, dances, and any other regular high school events.

This decision didn't not happen over night. We have been battling with the options for a year. When she has a great day or week, the thoughts of leaving get shoved to the side. When kids make fun of her, she has trouble finding someone to have lunch with, and teachers do not instruct her so that she understands, she wants to leave, and by leave I don't mean drop out.

My daughter prefers to do high school online, two days a week with 3 days of independent work at home, or through an independent study program. Anything other than what she is currently doing. To me, it is odd.

I loved high school. I made the most of high school. I was the president of the ski club, even though we only went skiing once, at night, I ran track, I had a boyfriend, I had friends, I even tried out for song leading and failed. I went to football games and dances, and got average grades. To me, high school was fun.

My girl gets ridiculed for being compassionate and deciding to go to Africa to minister to the kids there. She gets made fun of when she cannot concentrate due to the chatter around her and wants to be moved closer to the front of the class. She boldly wears clothing with scripture verses and makes no excuses for her faith and love for God, but some teenagers think that is weird.

She loves high school group at church, but school, is a different story.

Kids are mean. I get that. People are mean. Hurt people, hurt people. We cannot run away from people. I get that too. However, if this is the one thing that she wants to do, should I not consider her feelings? "Why would you make me do something that makes me miserable?" she questions. Hard to answer that one.

We are weighing our options. We are praying. We are deciding what should be done.

Please tell me I'm not the only person with a teenager who doesn't do high school well.

I dropped her off this morning with resignation and a heavy heart. I have been praying for her all day long. I hope she has a decent day. I hope that she can hang in until we decide on the next step. She is such a great kid.

"If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you." 1Peter 4:14

5 comments:

Karen said...

I'm not surprised your daughter feels this way. High school is so different now for kids. I've secretly wished my middle school daughter would want to be home schooled, because there are things that go on at her school that just shock me. She seems to handle it better than I do, which troubles me even more.

I have two friends whose daughters are doing high school online. One, for health reasons, and the other because she just didn't like the regular high school environment. They're both doing very well and they're involved in lots of outside activities. Good luck with your decision.

Anonymous said...

Please listen to your daughter. I wish I had some options when my younger daughter was in high school. Her feelings are so important

Love Blossoms said...

We moved my daughter to a new high school the summer before she was a junior. She called me everyday at lunch crying. It broke my heart. Finally she got in the show choir and a couple of other activities and things got a lot better.

I have home schooled, sent one kid to private school, and had one in public school. None of it is perfect. Each option has a very real downside to it. The good news is, your daughter will be fine which ever decision you guys make. Take your time deciding and involve your daughter in discussing the pros and cons and let her work through what ever you all decide.

Amanda said...

Hi Linda,

I've been following your blog since you spoke at the Awake conference earlier this year:)

I can really identify with your daughter...High School can be an extremely unforgiving place for young people passionate about Christ. I was miserable in HS for many reasons, but my faith was at the top of the list...I just didn't fit in there and couldn't find a place. Looking back, I have to give my mom HUGE kudos for her bravery. She took a risk and homeschooled me, going against the grain in so many ways...I can honestly say it was the most precious time of my life...my mom and I became closer than ever, I developed stronger relationships with my siblings and I was still involved at the school thru swim team and orchestra and was plugged into a great youth group. And the best part was...when I left for college I was READY! I had a solid idea of who I was and I was armed with a vision of who I could be...and I think that growth would have been stunted if I had been forced to "tough it out" in high school. Oh, and I LOVED (loved, loved, loved) COLLEGE!! Seriously loved it! I lived in the dorms the whole time I was there and got plugged into a great campus ministry the first week...it was like I hadn't skipped a beat. The playing field gets leveled at college - kids can't be mean, because your all really in the same boat...new, don't know anyone, trying to figure it out. I was actually WAY ahead of the game in so many ways because I knew alot already about who I was and I was ready to LEAD. And I did, and I loved it...and I was popular - and I loved that too:)

It sounds to me like your daughter is in a place where, scary as it may be, pulling her out may be just the push she needs to GROW and THRIVE:) What I liked the most about HS was that it was always a decision to stay home, or go back to school...I had choices and we re-evaluated every year, and I think that took some of the pressure off.

Good luck with this decision. I will be praying for you and your daughter! :)

Denise said...

i too LOVED high school.
we home school and i had planned on my kids definitely going to h.s. i had plans of finger-plugging my ears if God told me to home school h.s., letting him know "i can't hear You."
but lately, he's causing me to see they're not me. they're experiences, needs, desires are going to be different. and i need to be flexible.
thankfully i've got 2.5 yrs till the decision has to be made (it'll take me that long).
may God lead you and your daughter in the way you should go.