Coming of Age

Among other things attached to my body, my eyelids are falling. Shockingly, my lid failure occurred overnight, between the hours of R.E.M. and the alarm sounding. I phoned my mother immediately to see if my condition was genetic. It is.

I'm not sure what my next step is since a surgical eye lift is out of the question. If any one questions why they cannot see my eyeballs. I'll just have to pretend that my eyes were meant to droop.

Also, it seems that I always look tired. No amount of under eye concealer actually conceals properly. White paint would actually work best, but then I would have to pretend to be a mime whose make-up application is inconsistent. I don't have the right moves to be a mime, and I talk too much.

In addition to my eye lids falling and always looking as though I just crawled out of bed, my knees crack when I squat and walk. My children question the snap and crackles which emerge daily and want me to teach them how to make their legs and knees crack. I would love to teach them, but only if they could teach me how to eat massive amounts of food, every two hours, and still fit into their jeans.

I love getting older, really. It is a mark of...something...I just can't remember what. Oh, memory, that is also an issue which needs to addressed.


Denise said…
again you are too funny!
i have no cure for the sagging eye lid (i too will need mine surgically lifted), but i have a cure for the under eye thing, really (and i am not selling anything)...burts bees!
i am a believer in burts bees repair serum with attar of rose ( i do not know what attar of rose is). you dab this under your eyes before bed, and also on those lines around your lips (not saying YOU have them) and i am NOT kidding, gone when you wake up!
i even got a friend to try it, and
she has seen results.

as for the snap and crackle in your knees..i got nothing, BUT maybe attar of rose works on everything :-)
Linda said…
Oh, how I can relate. My eyelids are trying to go bald. Seriously, my lashes are scantier and scatier, and they weren't lush to begin with. Someone told me I need to take off all mascara at night so they can breathe. I'm sort of hit and miss on that. Sigh.