Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Dogs Don't Walk Anymore

When did dogs stop being able to walk on their own? The other day while jogging past a woman pushing a stroller I smiled, assuming there was a cute baby or bouncy toddler sitting on the plaid cover. My gag reflex vibrated when I saw a small, white, fluffy dog sitting in the stroller. He was not panting, there were no casts on his legs, and no bandages on his paws. He was just sitting. The only excuse a dog has for sitting in a stroller while its owner pushes merrily along is that the dog owner is on the last tenth of a mile on a twelve mile walk. Dogs cannot walk twelve miles. Another excuse for a stroller dog is that he has a broken leg. For those reasons only, a stroller is understandable, maybe.

In addition to dog's using strollers, some dress better than I do. Their handmade cashmere sweaters make nice accents to Swarovski crystal collars and embellished leather booties. They are carried through shopping malls in Louis Vutton bags priced in the thousands. A lambs wool booster seat makes their car ride view better and their snacks are made with organic ingredients in store front bakeries.

Our dog wears fur. God designed, good old fashioned, fur. He leaves a pile of dust wherever he lays and prefers the great outdoors. His toe nails are too long, and he has eye goop crud globed around his eyes. He eats dry dog food from a plastic bowl and drinks water which comes from our hose. He has been know to eat soiled diapers and other dog's poop-his palate has no discretion. He has no sweater because he pants incessantly, in the dead of winter.

We have no plans of purchasing a stroller or booties our dog. He will never sit in a stroller or Louis Vutton carrier. If he does get a Louis Vutton before I do certain people will be in big trouble. His snacks come from Trader Joe's and his collar is black and dingy. He has never been to the groomer but will get a bath, in the front yard with the garden hose...some time before Christmas.