Sunday, October 7, 2007

Allergy Gone

My youngest came home from visiting the neighbors. He was sweaty and anxious to tell me some very important news.
“C hit T!”
“What happened?”
“He was just riding his scooter and C hit him.”
“Are you sure that T did not do something?”
“I don’t know. His mom is talking to him.”
“What do you think happened with C?”
(with a very concerned look) “I think he’s allergic to people.”

I started thinking how sometimes I am allergic to people. I am particularly allergic to those who call me and talk incessantly before I can squeeze in a “No thank you and please take me off of your list.” They inevitable pronounce my last name incorrectly (the audacity) and I correct them, “It’s vie-know.”

I’m mostly allergic to the “college students” who appear at my door stop full of zest and energy reciting their desire to sell me magazines. They pull on your heartstrings by telling you that they are visiting from Alabama, desperate to see the world, or so I’m told.

They spin off “an amazing” offer for a magazine that, with your purchase, will seal their destiny in a seven week vacation to Hawaii. They are sweet and nice looking. After they show you every passport, business license, photo ID, picture of their family, and their bar graph illustrating the fact that they are the top seller in the field, you succumb to the babble, or so I’m told.

You invite them into your home. They are observably gracious. You choose to purchase the least expensive magazine with a stitch of appeal, or so I am told.

You sign the papers although you are worn thin by this time and just want this person to now take your money and leave. Five minutes have turned into twenty-five minutes and you are mentally drained, or so I am told.

You thought that you were spending $23.00 on a one year subscription but you can only sign up for two years and the total is now $46.00. After you tell him that you will not spend that much money on a magazine that you do not need and that you want to cancel the deal which is spinning into an out-of-control vortex, he tells you that he can do that, cancel the deal, but he will be have double his points revoked since the deal was canceled, or so I am told.

You start to cry because you are so frustrated and shove your money across the table. He apologizes profusely and leaves in a hurry, or so I am told.

Your allergy is gone. Since you have freaked out a college student you have made their DNV (Do Not Visit) list and these people never return to sell you anything, or so I am told.

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