Friday, October 31, 2008

Broken Nose Surgery



Pre-operation getting ready for a date with "happy juice" which made him silly and laughing.



Post operation...groggy, combative, complaining, crying, and all around not good.


Home at last. Sleeping off the anesthesia but not yet ready for food.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Sit and Wait


I think that I hit fifty signals on the way home from work. Okay, so maybe not fifty, but certainly not ten. Let's say somewhere between ten and fifty signals.

Most of the red signals that I approach are completely useless. In my opinion, these red lights are strategically placed to slow traffic down. I can appreciate the need to slow traffic down, just not at the moment that I am the traffic, and I happen to be tying to get home at a decent hour.

I don't appreciate having to stop at a red light, in the middle of virtual nothingness, and sit waiting for the signal to turn green, when there isn't even another car in sight. A pure waste of my time.

I could probably call the city where the signals are located and voice my concerns to the powers that oversee any and all traffic issues, however, it would probably take more time to change the timing of a signal than it would be for me to actually wait at the signal over and over again for a year. That is just a guess. I don't assume that traffic signal fixer people move very quickly when the issue has nothing to do with safety and everything to do with my patience level, or lack of patience issue.

If we could all just stop getting into traffic accidents, stop running red lights, or blowing through stop signs, signals would probably stay green a little longer, and traffic wouldn't have to be intentionally slowed. That's just my guess, although, I hold with no traffic flow credentials. My major in college was art. Art and traffic have nothing in common.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Broken Nose Update 2008



Be warned...our mouths do not match our voices. I need a video camera!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Happy Candy


Evidently I have a gift. Some might say that it is an innate gift, but no one would say that it is a spiritual gift.

I have the gift of feeding others a good variety of candy. Please don’t be jealous.

I was notified of my special gift today as someone in the office was peering into the tub of candy I have set out for any and every one.

I like candy, and I like having candy available for others. It makes me happy to give, and it makes others happy to take.

I never put hard candy in my candy tub, mint flavors, or jaw breakers. Those are all unfriendly candies. The hard candies don’t satisfy the sweet tooth properly, the mint candy will infect all of the other candies with its mint aroma (yes really) and the jaw breakers, well, can break your jaw, and that’s not nice.

I do have, nestled in the tub of candy the following:
Swedish Fish, Sour Patch Kids, Twix, 100 Grand, M & M’s (chocolate and peanut), Whoppers, Nestle Crunch Crisps, and Milk Duds. I love variety.

I don’t think that I can find a career which uses my gift properly, or for any decent amount of money, so for now, I will continue to keep my tub of candy well stocked with a sufficient variety of goods. That should make people happy, and I like working with happy people.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Hair With Style


I think that I have had the same hair style for the past ten years. Is that bad? I have been going to the same hair stylist for that amount of time, and I have never asked for a hair change. Some people are always changing the style of their hair. I admire that. I stick with what I know.

At one point my hair stylist told me that I would look good with a "bob" style cut. I was up for a change but my husband was not. When I asked him his thoughts to a short cut, he gave a resounding thumbs down. This was due in part to the fact that in a former relationship, I had short hair.

That former relationship person liked my hair short. My husband must equate the short hair to the former short guy from the other relationship, and thus prefer my hair longer. I'm fine with that.

My daughter wears her hair in a ponytail every day. She either braids the ponytail, wears the ponytail straight, or puts the ponytail up in a claw clip. I have only seen her hair down, and straight, twice in three years.

Although her her hair looks fabulous straight down, sleek, and natural, she claims that when her hair is down it looks flat and stuck to her head. Perception is odd.

My hair always looks flat and stuck to my head. That is what a good tease and bottle of hairspray are for. I think that I use every volumizing hair product known to woman. Three cheers for great hair products?

Ten years from now I will probably have the same hair style, and that's okay. I just hope that in ten years from now, my daughter isn't still wearing her hair in a ponytail. It looks so great when it is straight down, flat, and stuck to her head.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

No Food or Drink

I notice things when I am sitting inside places. This time I was noticing what is inside of a doctor's office. Not much, that is for sure. There is such a still, dull air inside the waiting room and outdated magazines are crumpled and worn.

All over the walls of the waiting area and inside offices were white signs stating, "Please no food or drink." I guess I don't really understand what the big deal is. Why don't they allow food or drink inside the building?

In this day and age when tons of people are carrying around a plastic bottle filled with water and, if you are a mother, a bag of goldfish crackers, or at the very least, a box of mints, how do they enforce the "no food or drink" law?

The office was for a pediatric doctor. Aren't toddlers in constant need of snacks and drinks. They must have undercover security watching for drinkers and snackers. In fact there was one gentleman sitting alone. He must have been security.

What then? What if you do have a snack or drink? Do they kick you out? Do they ask you to leave? Do the confiscate your snack or drink and serve them during their lunch hour?

I'm sure that the office has some reason for not allowing food or drink inside of their building. I'm just not sure why.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Nose

It is crooked and sore.

Today we find out if our 12 year old has a broken nose. Ugh!

His last play in flag football, some kid ran into him and his nose was hit hard enough to get tweaked. It is actually bent.

He is home with me.

It hurts him to chew.

We find out at 11:15 after the pediatric ENT doctor looks at his x-rays.

This should be interesting.

Update: It is officially broken. His surgery is on Halloween. He will still be able to trick-or-treat, and for that, he is thrilled.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Haunted

I visited my first haunted house when in the 3rd grade. It was at my church. Did you catch the location? My church.

The youth pastor transformed a couple of the Sunday school rooms into blackness and spider webs, and students dressed up in masks and wigs.

They presented bowls of cold spaghetti and frozen grapes and fooled my friends and I into thinking that we were dipping our fingers in worms and eyeballs. Fun?

People jumped out from behind closed doors and partitions, hoping to cause screams from wee folk who are easily frightened. I can't think of one church in Orange County that would sponsor a haunted house today.

My second haunted house visit was when I was 14. Campus Life had "rented" three housed in a cul-de-sac and turned them into a blood tingling, adrenaline rushing, haunted adventure. After exiting the third house in a that row I sat on the curb and threw up. I was that scared. That was my last haunted house visit.

Evidently I had trouble separating fact and fiction.

I don't get the whole haunted house thing anymore. I don't get wanting to go somewhere where you are sure to be scared. Who likes to be scared? Teenagers.

I used to love scary movies too. I would have nightmares lasting several days after the movie. I remember having trouble walking to my car at night, always thinking that someone was going to grab me and stab my back with a knife.

Why oh why would I subject myself to such fear? I was a teenager.


I don't like haunted houses anymore, or scary movies. For kicks this weekend I won't be visiting any haunted houses. I prefer things that make me feel pleasant not upset and frightened.

Call me crazy.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Movie Night


The last movie I saw was "27 Dresses." That was back in January. How sad. I have seen plenty of kid's movies since then, but those aren't "real" movies.

The other night I was able to get together with some really great friends that I hadn't seen in a long time and see a movie. I bought a tub of Dibbs, a large coffee and settled nicely in my seat. The other girls had popcorn, Milk Duds, Raisinettes, Sour Patch Kids, and Kissables, which were passed up and down the aisle throughout the movie. Delicious.

Two women brought blankets, and all of us were prepared with long pants and jackets or sweatshirts. Pure heaven.

Although the steep price of $11.00 per ticket (!) put a damper on my wallet, the movie and the company were worth every cent.

We saw, "The Secret Life of Bees." I knew nothing about the book or the movie so I went in with an open mind. All the girls promised that the book was fabulous so the movie should be great, it was.

I cried on three different occasions. The movie made me appreciate my family so much more than I already do.

Great acting. Great story. Great friends. Great candy. Hot coffee. Great times.

I need to get out more often.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

It's MY Purse

I know what is in my purse. I know that there are a lot of things in my purse that do not belong in my purse yet somehow end up there – toy cars that little hands are tired of holding, my daughter’s hair clip that began bugging her halfway home from church, and my husband’s wallet and sunglasses. He can only accommodate his phone in his own pocket.

For the most part, I am aware of things coming and going out of my purse. The most common item to leave my purse is gum. For now, I am partial to Trident Splash Summer Spearmint. The next fastest item to escape is my phone. The kids feel like it is their own personal hand held electronic game. The third item that escapes from my purse is money. After a hot lunch payment, money for a field trip, replacement cash from the time I borrowed from my son’s stash, and funding my husband’s lack of ATM visits, I come up short on the cash end, quite often.

The other day I discovered something in my purse that bothered me. It snuck in when I wasn’t looking and I felt offended. It was an empty juice bag. Although many “trash worthy” items make their way to my purse, the juice bag threw me for a loop. My woe came because I felt mistreated by the juice bag deliverer. I was sitting in church, dressed nice, and reached in to turn my phone off and discovered the juice bag. Since when is my handbag a garbage collection trunk?

Nothing is sacred. Not even my own personal purse. What’s in your purse?

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Party is Here!


Our next door neighbors do not speak English. They told us when they moved in a couple of years ago, that they are Christian Egyptians. I suppose that they speak, Egyptian.

We wave, and say "hello" on occasion, but the conversation has never moved farther.In all of my attempts to be friendly and engage in some conversation, I have failed.

Every year or house sponsors the annual Halloween block party. All of the neighbors bring money to cover the cost of catered food, the kids bob for apples, and as a group, everyone goes trick-or-treating.

Every year I carefully place an invitation inside the mailbox of our non-english speaking neighbors, and every year they are a no-show. Every year the crowd gathers at our house, and every year I wonder if they are thinking that we are some sort of inclusive people who throw parties and invite everyone but them.

I worry too much about what people think.

I sent them the invitation. I hope that they will come and meet their other neighbors. There is a strong possibility that they will not come to our annual Halloween party with cheese enchiladas, and tacos. They will miss the pumpkin passing game and the variety of desserts.

If they only could read English, and know that we would love to have them at our party. Then again, maybe they do read the invitation, and simply don't feel comfortable attending. That's okay too.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Some and Others

Some children don't always play well with others especially in group settings. Some are the 400 watt lightbulb in a world of moths.

Some children like to be alone and gather energy from being away from people. Some children love crowds and their energy level increases as they encounter the masses.

Some children watch television and read books to relax and unwind. Some are outdoors constantly and cannot settle down for a moment, even when they sleep.

Some children relish in the thought of trying new foods and beverages consuming the banquet of culinary choices our world has to offer. Some children eat the same foods over and over again, content with sameness and all things ordinary.

Some children are motivated by money and will do a multitude of chores as long as the reward is cold, hard, cash. To some children money is secondary to activity and outings with family and friends - sleepovers, and playmates.

Some children switch shirts every hour and hope, in light of of their gregarious grabbing of clothing, that something, anything matches. Some children wear the same things every day which are color coordinated, and their options rarely vary.

Some children are meticulously organized and creative, finishing assignments on time, or before the time that they are due, while others are messy, and lazily get through assignments, if they can locate the assignment underneath the teetering pile of chaos.

Some children are leaders, some hate to be led.

Some children love activity, some love to be still.

Some children finish a task immediately, while others struggle.

Some children laugh at every joke, some tell jokes all day long.

Every child is different.

Every human is different.

This makes for an exciting world, frustrating at times, yet exciting.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Absolute Randomness

I feel like I need to get away. Not that I have a place in mind or the financial resources to “get away” it’s just an innate desire—actually not really a “need.”

I feel like summer came and went. Without the opportunity to “go and do” with the family very much, I’m feeling like we need a small family “weekend away.” Again, not that I have a place in mind, or the financial resources. The kids probably wouldn’t object to the idea, but they probably don’t feel the “need” like I do.

Feelings are weird. Just because we typically feel something doesn’t always legitimize necessity.

Feelings are fickle.

I need a new couch. I don’t “feel” like I want a new couch, I need one.

I feel like I am in a funk. I have no reason to be in a funk, it is just a feeling, for now, for today.

Perhaps a good trip to the couch store, with the family, followed by a great dinner, and an overnight stay at the local KOA would take care of all my current funks and feelings.

Maybe, I should just count my blessings and quit complaining.

What a thought.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Banana Not-so-Good Bread


I love banana bread. I love banana bread with walnuts inside. I love warm banana bread. I love to dip chunks of banana bread in coffee. I don't love store bought banana bread that doesn't taste sweet or fresh. I also don't love cold banana bread that has been sitting in the refrigerator.

I ventured out the other day and bought myself a cup of coffee from The Lost Bean. They had delicious looking slices of banana bread and rectangular shaped slices of lemon bar. Since my husband loves lemon bars, I bought him a lemon bar and treated myself to a slice of banana bread.

After tearing a corner off my banana bread and dipping it into my coffee, I frowned. The bread wasn't very banana-ish or sweet. I tried three more dips only to arrive at the same place in the disappointment line. Bummer.

I hate wasting good calories on bad banana bread. Next time I'll ask for a taste test prior to my purchase. Either that or stick with chocolate chip cookies. Those are hard to mess up, and, are even better when they are dipped into hot coffee.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

15 Things

Here is fun list I created of the top 15 things you should hide when you are hosting Bunco/Play date/Cookie Lee/Creative Memories party at your house:

-101 recipes using a can of soup and a stick of butter

-dog/cat hair sculpture created by your children

-Parenting for Dummies book

-the pacifier your six year old still uses

-Sears Photo Studio 8 X 10 of yourself and your pet bunny from the early 90’s

-pile of laundry that was pulled from the washer and sat in the laundry basket for three days since the dryer was filled with clothes and now reeks of mildew

-the math paper you helped your sixth grader with, with a “D” clearly marked in red.

-14 cans of Spaghetti O’s labeled “Dinner Monday, Dinner Tuesday, Dinner Wednesday…”

-microwave oven with residual goo from a bowl of tomato soup explosion

-Stained throw rug you use to cover your stained carpeting

-dark circles under your eyes from falling asleep in your daughter’s bed after she took over yours.

-treadmill that is currently being used as a clothesline for your delicates

-the citation you received for talking on phone while sipping hot coffee, and applying a coat of mascara

-g-string underwear with “Me So Hot” embroidered across the front

-the brown Christmas tree still sitting in your side yard

-DVD of the karaoke duet of Princess Jasmine's A Whole New World between you and your husband on your honeymoon. You are wearing a hot pick sateen cocktail dress and matching pick stilettos, with a pink headband and pick pearl necklace

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Bus Stop


I had to sit in front of a high school the other day and wait until all the kids were gone. I was checking out the building for a work assignment. I first noticed how many buses were sitting in the parking lot, three. In the OC, many of the high school students either walk to and from high school or get a ride, until the ripe age of 16 when they can drive themselves.

Seeing three buses made me feel bad for all of the kids that have to take the bus to high school. I was one of those kids. Although I don't remember it being an utterly traumatic experience, I'm sure it was. At the very least, I'm sure that it was humiliating. I do know that I couldn't wait to get my driver's license so that my bus days would be forever a memory.

My freshman year I walked to high school which I am sure was at least a mile from my house. At that time, everyone walked, everywhere.

My parents divorced after my freshman year of high school and I had to move to cow country, away from all of my friends. I was bitter. Add to that bitterness having to take the bus to school and wow, you get one unhappy teenager. Although that same year I got my braces off. The unhappiness was evened out.

These days, my kids think it would be a fun treat to be able to walk to school or take a bus. Honestly? They get a ride to and from school since their school is about 8 minutes, three and a half miles from our house. I'm sure that if they honestly had to take a bus or walk to school the joy would quickly diminish.

Thankfully I have moved on, and I'm completely over the bus thing. Currently I do not blame my mother for making me take the bus. She was a working divorced mom, she had no choice. However, I can still blame her for my cellulite. From what I understand, it's genetic.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Gold Chains and Pinky Rings

My husband has never been into jewelry. He wears his wedding ring every day, and only takes it off when he showers. When we were dating he used to wear a gold watch, but ever since the mobile phone phenomenon, he no longer wears a watch.

I am not that particularly into jewelry either. Don't get me wrong, I love my engagement and wedding rings and they never leave my finger unless I happen to be undergoing surgery. On my right hand I have a stack of four different bands which sit on my middle finger, signifying my four children. I would be hard pressed removing these. They are very stuck.

I often wear fun necklaces, but never earrings. I have no gold bracelets, diamond cocktail rings, or diamond earrings. I have my eye on a watch, but it is green and rubber, the complete opposite of gold with diamonds.

I think that people would point at me and laugh if they saw me in any gold and diamonds past my wedding rings. Fancy jewelry doesn't fit my personality, but if someone decided to send my a box of gold and diamonds, it wouldn't be returned.

I recently encountered a man who evidently loves jewelry. He not only had gold chains around his neck, but he had three rings on each of his hands. Three. I was so confused with all the bling that I don't even know if one of the rings was on his left ring finger signifying that he was married.

The woman that was with "Ring Guy" had a lot of jewelry too. Perhaps they own a jewelry store. I believe that it is a prerequisite for owning a jewelry store. You have to wear your products, or at least appear to love gold and diamonds. I suppose that I could never own a jewelry store.

I'm thrilled that my husband doesn't require that his hands and neck be covered in gold and diamonds. They aren't in our budget. He does, however, love to read the newspaper every day, and that we can afford.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Bake Off '08

My daughter is on a baking kick. Not the sort of kick where she deliberately hunts for the perfect recipe, musters the energy to locate the exact ingredients and carefully concocts a cake using speciality ingredients like cake flour, and extra fine sugar, but the kind of baking that requires just a handful of ingredients and the opening of a box.

I think by now we can all agree that "the box" can replicate the time consuming, step-by-step, handmade variety quite successfully. My favorite is the Betty Crocker Caramel Turtle Brownie mix.

My daughter is partial to butter (flavored I think) cake topped with milk chocolate frosting. The simplicity of adding eggs, water, and butter are perfect for a teenage girl, and the hand mixing isn't as chore-like as it sounds.

The other day, she blended and mixed the ingredients for a perfect cake. After it cooled she opened the tub of milk chocolate frosting and began to coat the top of the cake with perfectly smoothed strokes of chocolate goodness.

I had stepped out for a bit and left my husband in charge of seeing the frosting of the cake to fruition. My mistake. My husband is the one in the family who wants a cupcake before I have the opportunity to attach the two foot tall mound of frosting to the top side. He is also the one who, when he orders a slice of cake for dessert, eats the cake part and leaves the chocolate shelf of frosting, in my opinion the best part, on his plate. What? For the love of frosting, what is he thinking?

I left explicit instructions with my daughter to use the entire tub of frosting for the cake. When I returned, the tub of frosting was sitting on the counter with 1/3 of it's contents remaining. The audacity!

The cake had thin parts poking through the meager layer of frosting where I actually saw the color of the cake. Can you imagine? Before I could conjure up some reason as to why the cake sat practically nude, I grabbed the tub of milk chocolate frosting, and finished dressing the cake. I scraped every last speck of frosting from the tub, leaving nothing. Perfect.

I'm sure that it is no surprise to you that in my opinion, there is no such thing as a cake with too much frosting. From now on I will have to be in charge of the frosting application for any and all cakes. A job I take very seriously.

Friday, October 10, 2008

No Stamina


After a hard day of picking apples and watching people make apple pie and applesauce, a nap was truly in order.

My husband was the driver, chaperone, and, on the one hour drive home, lulled them all to sleep with his incredible driving skills and soft stereo music. He has talent.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Giddy About Pancakes

I'm giddy. I get to meet my husband for breakfast at my favorite "breakfast out" restaurant, The Original Pancake House.

I rarely get to eat pancakes from The Original Pancake House but when I do, I never deviate from my usual plate of 49'ers. These thin, gooey, plate wide, pancakes come stacked with gobs of whipped butter and a side of warm maple syrup. They would make an outstanding dessert as well.

I always begin to devour my plate full of pancakes with all intention of finishing my entire serving, however, about one third of the way through, I come to a screeching halt. I cannot eat another bite, and it makes me mad.

Saving what is left and reheating the pancakes at home isn't an option. It is just not the same as going to the restaurant, without children, sipping hot coffee, and having uninterrupted time alone with my pancakes and husband.

I have also heard great things about Waffle House. I'm sure that Waffle House would make me giddy too, however, I have yet to eat there. I do though, love waffles.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Long, Lush, Lashes?


My girlfriend introduced me to a beauty product called, Revitalash. The lash conditioner is supposed to extend your lashes and make them thicker. The only set back is that is is very pricey, and it takes up to 8 weeks to notice any results. This is difficult for someone who lacks the "patience" gene and whose money needs to spent on things like peanut butter and socks.

Since is on the very pricey side of my budget, I let my mother make the purchase. She was going to use it for four weeks and then give it to me to use for four weeks. After two weeks, she was unable to use Revitalsh any more because it so badly irritated her eyes.

The tube was handed off to me for trial. It has been four weeks and honestly, I've got nothing. In fact, just the other day I was driving with my 12 year old boy. While I was applying a new coat of mascara at every stop light he questioned, "Mom, why do you have such puny eyelashes?" What a testimonial!

After the fact, I have now read reviews for the product. Of all the eyelash conditioners on the market, Revitalash is not rated as one of the best. Eye irritation ranked as one of the most common complaints.

Thankfully, after 60 days, there is a money back guarantee. I think that my mother will be a few dollars wealthier very soon, and I will have to be stuck with my puny lashes. It could be worse.

Puny eyelashes rule! Actually, really good mascara that makes my eyelashes look not-so-puny rules.

PS...Did you not LOVE how I forgot to remove one piece of tape on my "unwanted hair" video?

Monday, October 6, 2008

Garden Tools


I'm considering the use of a leaf blower to rid the inside of my of all the "stuff" that has accumulated. If I attempted the use of a vacuum cleaner I may break the appliance and then my home would drown in a sea of dust bunnies and Cheese It crumbs.

I know that with four children darting in and out of my car during the week, things gather and sit, but the task of removing all that does not belong in my car, is daunting.

The outside of my car is filthy too. When my own children mention the fact that they cannot see out of the windows, I would venture to guess that a good car washing is in order. However, my phobia with washing my car is this: the moment that I do either wash my car with my own hands, or pay someone to wash my car, a sudden rainstorm with emerge and my car will be dirty again. I know this from experience. It happens every time.

And so it goes, my car is dirty, the inside is a mess, and all will remain as is. If and when I get a new car, I will purchase a vehicle which only seats two people, my husband and me. No children will ever be allowed inside my car, ever, unless they enter the car completely sterilized, and without anything that can be left behind.

Is that asking too much?

Tomorrow's post= A live video of hair removal using Gorilla Glue Tape. Mark your calendars!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Scripture Memory

My women's small group has been challenged to memorize scripture so that it can be put into practice more easily. Our verse for the week is simple to remember, "Love is patient, love is kind." 1 Corinthians 13:4

Although I have it memorized, it is difficult to put into practice on a daily basis. Very hard. I am trying, the Lord knows I'm trying.

I am thrilled that I do not have to memorize my first grader's scripture verse. "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him"

Please tell me how in the world a six year old is supposed to one: memorize this extremely lengthy scripture verse, and two: understand a word like "condemn?"

Oh well, we are going to have to start early on this one.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Please Stay Tuned


I had a great time doing a video post last Tuesday called, "I See what You're Saying." I mentioned in my video that I am considering the use of duct tape to remove the unwanted hair growing out from my eyebrows.

I will be recording another video post in which I actually attempt to use tape to "wax" my eyebrows and you can tune right here to see the result of my "in home" hair removal.

Since we do not have actual duct tape and only have Gorilla Tape..."extra thick, extra stick", I have no doubt that the hair removal will be successful.

Not only will it be exciting, it will be unique and crazy. What more can a blog reader ask for? Admittedly, it probably will not be very crazy, and not the best form of entertainment. For that, you'll have to wait until The Office airs on Thursday.

I will be giving away virtual strips of Gorilla Glue tape for those who feel the urge to join me. I'm a giver like that.

Stay tuned...

Friday, October 3, 2008

All Skate Slowly and Carefully


Songs on the radio fall into four categories: fast skate, slow-couples skate, backwards skate, and all skate.

Since the first job that I had where I actually received a pay check where my first and last name were printed with a computer type machine and not handwritten by my grandma's ball point pen was at a skating rink, I am especially partial to how songs go along with skating speed.

I like to say that I was raised in a skating rink, but that would be lying. My father and mother rarely visited the roller rink for the reason of skating. Usually their visits were derived from my need for a ride home, or for a change-of-clothes delivery so that I could stay after my shift and kick some male, floor guard behind, on backwards skating wearing something other than brown corduroy pants and a brown corduroy vest.

A song like "Dream On" by Aerosmith or "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin is a classic "couples skate" song. I would hold hands with a sweaty man-boy as we dreamily skated around the dim-lit wooden floor all aglow from the shimmering disco ball overhead.

"Enter Sandman" by Mettalica would have been the very best fast skate song. The best. I can almost feel the wind whipping through my hair sprayed bangs.

Backward skate songs need gumption and gusto like, "Rapper Delight" by the Sugarhill Gang. Also, an upbeat Earth, Wind, and fire song would be a fine fit for any backward skater. A very non-typical backward skate song would be anything by Captain and Tenille, or The Carpenters. Sorry Richard and Karen.

Elton John's, "Benny and the Jets" or the Who's, "Who are You" would be a perfect "all skate" pick. These have the perfect amount of sing-along rhythm without having the beginning skaters lose too much concentration.

I miss skating. There's nothing like a little stress release on the roller rink floor, while soaking in the smells of giant dill pickles, soda soaked carpeting, and foot odor spray seeped into the soles of rental skates.

Roller rinks are virtually obsolete. That's sad. I could use a good spin around on the floor.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Stretched Out

Is there any truth to the idea that clothing can get stretched out to unbelievable sizes?

In high school and junior high my BFF was a size smaller than me. She seemed to always be the one getting new clothes, and I liked trying them on for size. Her main objection to my trying on her things was the idea that I was going to stretch out her sweaters, pants, and t-shirts.

If clothes did get stretched out, if that was a possibility, wouldn’t a good washing and drying put them back in shape?

My kids love to put on my shoes. My twelve year old shoves his men’s size 10 into my silver flats and thinks it’s funny to walk around the house wearing my sparkle shoes.

I always complain when he does this and tell him that he is going to stretch out my shoes, and then they will no longer fit onto my foot. Could this be scientifically true? Is anyone out there a cobbler by trade?

I haven’t experienced the stretching out of any of my clothes other than the proverbial sag from jeans that I have been wearing all day. By six o’clock, the butt portion is baggier than it was in the morning and the thigh section has a bit more room than it did when I first shimmied them on. This is all good. I don’t think that denim should be skin tight from the waist to the knees. (Although in high school this would have been a cool look)

The jury is still out. I I tried to put on my daughter’s t-shirt, would I stretch it out? If my seven year old tried to squeeze into the jeans of my five year old, would they be unrecognizable? If my husband attempted to wear the Angels sweatshirt my twelve year old has, would it later flop all over my son’s body? Who knows? Who cares, really?

Evidently, I do.